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Donald had been publishing in theoretical physics journals for years. His latest article “Spontaneous Symmetry Breaking in M-Theory Manifolds with Compact Dimensions” had received widespread acclaim, and was fueling chatter about new funding for a CERN project. Trump, writing under the pseudonym Neil “Da Grass” Tyson (a call back to his youthful interest in postmodern semantics), was probably responsible for more relevant research in experimental validation of string theory than any other modern academic. The media could never know, sure it makes him look good and puts the rumors about his intellect to rest, but it just wouldn’t be fair to politicize the field like that, there was so much to learn. “Kanye is here” Donny sprung to attention with electric and very good reflexes. “is he wearing the hat?” he asked, his voice saturated with hope and vulnerability. “yes”. “send him in”. “I’m so glad you could join me and join energies with me” Trump said confidently to the man he presumed was the single greatest living musician of all time “You can just call me Yeezus” Kanye’s voice emerged from the ruby and titanium Maison Margiela mask that protected him from negative energy “you have a beautiful family” – Trump “Yes, and I brought a picture of a plane too” - Kanye “Wow that’s very touching, I actually have not seen one before” - Trump “I have, but let’s not just talk shop, did you get my shoes?” - Kanye “I did and I can’t take them off, when I put them on my feet they gripped me tightly like a large non-venomous snake, or a strong person hugging you, thank you so much” - Trump “Thank you, I added extra midicholorians to them so you wouldn’t ever be without shoes” -Kanye “It is hard to keep your schedule together sometimes and I really appreciate that, the mornings are very busy and that saves me a lot of time, I’m so glad I could inspire you to make a pair of shoes that squeeze people’s feet” - Trump “I made those shoes because you are president” – Kanye “That’s very very good” – Trump “Thank you” – Kanye “Thank you” - Trump “I wanted to tell you about a dream I had when I was younger” – Kanye “I used to dream about a huge goat drinking all the water in the ocean” – Trump “that’s really scary, I am so sorry, but this is not a scary dream” – Kanye “Okay, I want to hear as long as it won’t make me afraid, I stopped world war 3 and I am very tired and don’t want to be too scared to take a nap later” – Trump “Yes, I have been there too, and I am very very smart” – Kanye “That’s a cool plane by the way” - Trump “Yes, it is fast and completely invisible” – Kanye “But we’re getting distracted, I came here to tell you about a dream, I told Kim and she thought it was nice, are you ready” – Kanye “You are very very smart, and I have to sit down and eat taco bell while I listen to you. Would you like some Taco Bell?” – Trump “Taco Bell is my second favorite food, so I will say yes, but now I have to begin the story” – Kanye A keen observer would have noticed, at this point, that the windows became really shiny and like sort of glimmering from all the energy in the air, it was really really cool and good “I was in Wyoming, running wild with the buffalo, and Jonah Hill was wearing yeezys and telling me about going fishing with his father when he was younger, it was emotional and kind of boring” – Kanye “That’s really impressive” – Trump “I just channel it” – Kanye “Please go on” – Trump “I sat beneath a tree on the shaded side of a big big mountain, blossoms of an ancient flower fell upon me and I was granted knowledge by earth goddess Gaia I saw before me all of existence, galaxies, universes, every particle and speck of dust, every nebula and super-cluster transformed into the singularity that is the infinite. Time and space lost all shape and dimension and for that brief eternity I was without end or beginning, without life or death, everywhere and nowhere, form and void, Ye and Kanye” – Kanye “Is that how you made the album Ye?” – Trump “yes, I typed on my iPhone, and sent it as an email to myself without a subject line” - Kanye “I use Hotmail” – Trump Donald bites into a Taco Bell Spicy Crunch Wrap, and it tastes good and he is so happy “In that moment, I realized that everything is nothing, and nothing is everything. Our concepts of separation and togetherness are just illusions that bind us to the earth. That is why I made my phone’s passcode 000000” – Kanye “Those are amazing numbers, we didn’t used to have numbers like that” – Trump “maga” – Kanye Trump pulls out his handy IQ test, it’s a new model and only requires a single strand of hair for an accurate reading. Ye had the same model and, in unison, they placed their DNA into the accurate IQ tests. After a few minutes, the tests came back with results: positive, for both of them. It was a match.